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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29764437">your anger (your anchor)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tetrahydride/pseuds/Tetrahydride'>Tetrahydride</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dissociation, Hurt No Comfort, Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:15:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,235</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29764437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tetrahydride/pseuds/Tetrahydride</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy gets out of the prison. He doesn't know how to feel.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s), Sam | Awesamdude &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your anger (your anchor)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! This is my first fic in a very, very long time and my first published to Ao3! I just felt inspired to write this quick little one-shot about the prison arc, and I hope you enjoy! Special thanks to Juju (@Jujuublade on twitter) for looking over some items for me as I wrote this out.<br/>Title comes from the song "Renegade" by Paramore!<br/>Brief trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and some mention of dissociation!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bridge across the lava arrives at last, and Tommy climbs aboard, hoping to feel some sense of relief, some sense of joy at the fact that he was finally going to leave this disgusting prison and never return. Instead, he finds himself feeling nothing as the bridge moves back across the lava, towards salvation. He can feel Dream’s eyes drilling into the back of his head as he leaves, and he can’t bring himself to turn around, to face him, give one last <em>fuck you</em> to the man who ruined his life and turned the people he was starting to consider his family against him. Instead, he finds himself staring down at the lava below. Of everyone that currently resides in the prison, the lava feels like the closest thing he has to a friend right now, always there, ever-present in his times of need.</p><p>He arrives at the other side of the lava, and a small part of him feels like the journey was over just a bit too soon. Tommy lifts his gaze to see Sam looking at him through his mask, and Tommy’s far too tired to try and decide what sort of expression he wears behind it. Instead, he focuses on quelling the rage that bubbles in his throat as he sees the older man for the first time in a week. Almost unceremoniously, Sam asks Tommy to step on a shroomlight, dousing him in water-breathing potions like they’ve done so many times before. Tommy feels fuzzy, like he’s not quite there, and the feeling of the potion effects sinking through his skin seems like it’s happening years away. Tommy feels trapped in his mind, forced to tame the beast of his anger as it threatens to consume him, absolutely boiling over at the way that Sam talks to him in monotone, like nothing had happened, as though he’s leaving after a normal visit, as if he wasn’t trapped inside an obsidian cage with the man who had made him want to <em>fucking kill himself</em> just a few months ago. They progress through the prison in silence only broken by Sam occasionally asking Tommy to stand somewhere or proceed forward, and Tommy follows the instructions stiffly, on autopilot, his mind distant and full of thoughts and pure rage he knows he’ll never be able to express. </p><p>Eventually, the pair find themselves in front of the chest holding Tommy’s items, and the sight of his netherite armor in one piece (and not blown apart in a hole) brings him some comfort, drawing him slightly back to reality. He carefully runs his hands across his armor, taking his time as he equips it. Then he turns to the rest of his things, making sure that everything is there, counting every single piece of food, every single torch that he’d left behind. The process seems to ground him, take his mind off of the absolute fury that stirs behind his eyes. Sam keeps his gaze level, focused on the wall just behind them, not daring to speak as Tommy goes through the simple ritual. Eventually, Tommy is satisfied with his belongings and approaches the portal. Sam gives him the go-ahead to enter.</p><p>For just a moment, Tommy finds himself back in the familiar heat of the Nether, but this time, he’s unable to see the lava lake hidden just behind the quartz walls of the room he finds himself in. That’s probably for the best, Tommy decides, as he sees a message from Sam pop up on his communicator that tells Tommy he can finally walk free and get back to his life, to put some distance between himself and the lava and the bastard that he can’t think about without clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles turn white.</p><p>Tommy steps through the portal, immediately greeted with green grass and a shining sun just beyond the portal room. And in the way of that freedom stands Sam, mask removed, a clear display of concern across his face. He looks at Tommy with a sense of pity that makes his skin crawl, and as Sam goes to say something, to ask if he’s <em>okay</em>, something just <em>breaks</em> in Tommy. Tommy wants so badly to just snap, to scream at Sam and say <em>how dare he ask if he’s okay</em> and <em>I thought I could trust you</em> but instead, he starts laughing. Perhaps at the audacity of it all, the irony of the situation he finds himself in, at how much Sam reminds him of <em>fucking Technoblade</em> right now, of all people.</p><p>And poor Sam stands there and watches Tommy shake with laughter, unsure of how to respond, reaching out a hand to place on Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy flinches, hard, stepping back, only to have his knees buckle under him and send him towards the ground. In that moment, the laughter turns into sobs, heavy and choked off, as Sam sits down to meet Tommy on the floor. Trying again, slower this time, Sam extends a hand to Tommy, as though he’s approaching a scared animal. Tommy snaps his gaze up to meet the older man’s, something akin to anger flashing across his gaze, as he snaps “<em>don’t</em>,” in such an aggressive tone that it shocks Sam into pulling his hand away. “Don’t you dare even try to <em>comfort me</em>,” Tommy all but snarls, tears running down his cheeks as he curls back into himself.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do?” Sam asks, voice barely a whisper.</p><p>“You can fucking leave,” Tommy snaps back, a new layer of aggression in his voice that Sam had never heard before, not in all his months of knowing the boy. He hovers for a moment, unsure of whether to actually leave, but when Tommy’s gaze meets his once again, almost accusatory, Sam finds himself getting up and moving to exit the portal room, summoning his trident. </p><p>“Just… let me know if you need anything, okay?” Sam says, giving one last glance back at the boy crumpled on the floor behind him. This time, he isn’t given a response, and so he takes his cue to leave, leaving Tommy alone against the cold terracotta of the prison’s portal room.</p><p>Tommy’s not quite sure how long he kneels there, staring at the floor beneath him as though the intensity of his gaze could mine through it. He can’t bring himself to move for hours, continuing to kneel long after the tears have dried out, long since his anger has died down, and when he finally pushes himself to his feet, his ears begin to ring. Stepping towards the now-setting sun, Tommy slowly wills himself to begin the journey back to his house, hoping to climb into his bed and disappear for what part of him hopes will be an eternity. </p><p>The journey back is lost to his memory, his brain instead filled with thoughts of how everyone Tommy has looked up to has only ended up disappointing him, hurting him, leaving him a worse version of himself than before. He lands on his bed with a dramatic thump, and when he closes his eyes, his vision swims with images of lava and withers and TNT and, and-</p><p>Tommy opens his eyes with a deep sigh and takes to staring at the ceiling above him, hoping that eventually, his mind will go as numb as the rest of him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you enjoyed, kudos and comments are always appreciated! thank you so much for reading!<br/>feel free to hang out with me on <a href="https://twitter.com/blaze_empress">twitter</a> if you'd like! i'm planning on writing more stuff like this soon.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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